we pulled up what was left of the garden this weekend, packed away all of our things into the shed, pulled down the storm windows, and hunkered down for an early snowstorm. its early, yet, and although i hope we don't see snow again for another few weeks, its best to be prepared. winter is the most difficult season - although beautiful, i have an increasingly hard time with its lack of growth, greenery, warmth, and ultimately motivation. hibernation mode sets in in the northeast, and sometimes we don't emerge again 'til spring. this winter i have decided that my hibernation time will be best spent planning and preparing for the spring, in so many ways.
there are the obvious things i'm hoping for, for the spring: grass, flowers, seedlings, dirt, sunny mornings, skirts... i could go on and on and on. but that isn't what this is about. this is about a real change - a real promising, deeply designed, change. as organized and strategic as it can be, amidst a bit of chaos.
the boyfriend has always been the do-er, and i've always been the planner. in may (if not before), his singular life will hopefully change dramatically upon graduation. this will mean that our cohesive life will also change dramatically; thus leaving room for change in my own singular quiet life. a chain reaction, i guess, and until it happens its all a mystery. its awfully hard to plan for a mystery.
my own six years of college got me places, but not where i belong or even really where i thought i'd end up. my current job- while it has its fun and interesting days- its fairly unrewarding, monotonous, un-fulfilling, and not part of my plan. the more days that go by when i wake up and go in there, do my thing, and come home, the more and more i realize my plan is really important. i will not continue to let myself fall short of daily happiness simply to hang on to good insurance and a paycheck. those things are definitely important, i realize i (mostly) can't live without them, but i know there are other ways.
four to five days out of five, i work banker's hours and walk on eggshells. other people's drama becomes my drama, other people's unhappiness becomes mine, by default. we share a pretty small room when we have downtime... its easy to get caught up in it, i know i've had my share of problems... but, i don't go to work to be anyone's best friend (but if that happens, thats a perk!), i'm there to make money. it isn't a career, its simply a job. most days its easier to mind my own business and stay quiet than participate - though i have enough of my own daydreams to keep me completely occupied. i have a handful of friendly faces & handsome faces to help me get through the day. and i know by the time i walk through my door at night, i'm not who i'm supposed to be.
each job i've had over the years (this is my seventh since i was a teen) has taught me something, especially as i've gotten older. you can't please everyone. there's one in every crowd. every day has a beginning and an end. it has to be worth it. it has to be worth it. each job i've had has just been a stepping stone to that next stage in my life, a map to my next destination; just a stop along the way to greater things. i'm ready for whatever is next, but i have to wait a bit longer... just a little bit longer...
this waiting time gives me time to plan. i'm the only one who can put me on the right path, i know in my heart what i should be doing, i know that it doesn't matter where. the boyfriend will say the word and we'll be off - to some unknown town - and i can do it there. wherever home will be. maybe home will continue to be here! maybe it will be fifty states away! but with my plan, my boyfriend, our three cats, and my favorite things by my side, i'll be home.
if we end up near boston, my goal is to go to school for expressive therapies.
if we end up far from the east coast, i can go here.
if we end up anywhere in the middle, i'll be taking business courses (i'm taking an online seminar for beginners right now..), and i'll be planning planning planning until i'm ready to open up my own shop. not an etsy shop or a webstore or a website - a real shop. where fabrics, textiles, and other beauties will be sold. you only get one life, why not surround yourself with the things that make you happiest? i would offer classes, too, and after a couple of years when i start to see revenue i will hire employees. it will be a boutique, unique and interesting, inspiring and creative. i will be a successful small shop owner, much like the few that i worked for (for years). the amount of work that goes into it excites me, i enjoy being exhausted by the fruits of my own labor; i'm ready to be the change i want to see in my life. i see a lot of late nights, fundraising, note-taking, and brainstorming in my future. my boyfriend has always been the builder, and i've always been the entrepreneur. the host, the overflowing, the early for everything.
{having two possible paths makes me feel a little better about the mystery part.} six more months. maybe longer, maybe less. when we know, then i'll know if i will be able to have these vast gardens i imagine, and chickens. i'm looking forward to downsizing yet again for a move, having the yard sale to end all yard sales. to start over the way i wish i had started to begin with.. but its all about learning. mistakes are just opportunities.
i'm ready to not accept anything less than great. and all of these plans (these things to look forward to) are what make every monday a little bit easier. monday's here already.
i would love to hear everyone's ideas. if you own a shop, send me your feedback and advice. if you have a big life dream that you are striving towards, share it with me. i love this community here.. can't we help motivate and support each other?! ♥ see you on the flipside of the week....
Sounds so awesome good luck!!! I too feel the same way it's a rat race everyday I work it makes it hard to enjoy life and it makes it hard because you get trapped in the financial end of it. Plan plan plan
ReplyDeleteAs long as you know what you want and are smart about it you can get there! I would love to own a shop one day, but it's not on the cards any time soon.
ReplyDeleteDo your research, know your capabilities and dream big, I say!
The only thing I can add to that from my own experience is continue to let yourself grow, please don't set out goals then feel sad if you fall short on them years down the line, if your passions have changed by then. Think of it as contingency planning for wiggle room :)
ReplyDeleteAs for business advice mine would be to keep your day job as long as humanly possible, grim I *Know*, but honestly having the fall back until your own business takes off just removes so much unnecessary stress at the beginning. I say that not from my own craft business but from running other businesses (Very dull ones at that!)
Brooke,
ReplyDeleteI can tell you something about your dreams about the own shop. DO IT!!! I just opened the second one. The first one I owned alone and for that time it was the right thing. I am a fashion designer and sold my own designs there. I can tell you, it is not easy and sometimes I wished I had this save income every month, so that I don´t have to worry how to pay my rent. But then, I tried to imagine myself in a 9-5 Job where I do things for other people, and knew, that it is a gift, to have a job where you can do the things that you love (and where your talent is). There are these ups and downs, but it is so rewarding to pay your bills at the end of the month, knowing YOU have gained that with doing the things you love.
After three years I closed my shop. There where some reasons for that, but one was, that I didn´t want to work alone anymore. So I rented this shop with another artist for jewellry and now we are doing it together. At the moment I looks like it is going to be a success.
So I think, for you as such a talented person, it is a wonderful idea to have your own shop. And if the people are not blind they will see all this beauty in your work and buy it.
Good Luck!!!
Miriam
berlinquilter.blogspot.com
Brooke, I am happy to talk to you off-line about this. I am a former shop owner, so I can tell you about the beginning, the middle and the end.
ReplyDeleteSusan
Susan@cornishfamily.us